S4 Ep 78: Cover Girl

Okay, so I’m just gonna say it upfront – I can’t stand Kate Larrabee.

Just a warning to people here who like her — you’re not gonna like what I have to say, so you might not want to read further.

I was actually rooting for the Angel in this ep. Is that wrong of me? I don’t see a single redeeming quality in Kate. Not that her character is really fleshed out or anything, so we don’t really get to know much about her. But the way she asks Hutch “Did you ever think about me during the last 7 years?” – ugh, just gross. As if he’s spent the last 7 years doing nothing but pining for her. She lives in the same goddamn city, so if she wanted to hook up with him during that time, she could have contacted him before now.

No Kate, he didn’t think about you in the last 7 years because he was busy dating other women, one of whom was beaten and almost raped and killed by a psychopath, and one who was actually murdered by a psychopath. Neither of whom wanted to die, nor invited said psychopaths to kill them, like you did. Talk about someone who wants attention.

Also, he was kinda busy kicking a heroin addiction, dying from the plague, dying from being crushed by his car, dying from botulism toxin, keeping Starsky from dying, crying with Starsky after Terry died, helping people in his job as a cop — you know, because he has a life other than posing for pretty pictures and collecting useless antiques and storing them in the garage. Don’t get me wrong – I have a houseful of antiques myself. But she seems to collect them for no reason other than because they’re pretty things.

Also, why does this woman have no actual friends or family? No business associates, agent, personal assistant, boyfriend, husband, ex-husband. Does no one else like her, either?

Hutch even has to chastise her about her poor life decisions.

But maybe the main reason I don’t like her is because she ruined one of the precious, rare hurt/comfort scenes we got in Season 4, by running out of the house when Starsky was helping Hutch up after the car explosion. You know — the explosion she was completely responsible for because she hired a hitman to kill her? Good thing the Angel is just about the most incompetent hitman ever.

Also, is it me, or is the dialog in this ep godawful? Actually, the whole script is. There are plot holes big enough to drive the Torino through. And don’t even get me started on how it makes no sense that Hutch dated a Swedish supermodel 7 years ago (even if he said she wasn’t a supermodel when he dated her) and Starsky never knew about it. And somehow the subject never came up during the events of Running either, when we learned about Starsky’s very special supermodel friend, Sharman.

Anyway, I guess that’s your answer, Kate. No — Hutch most definitely did not think about you in the past 7 years.

And here’s an example of the horrible dialog:

Kate to Hutch: “It’s weird, isn’t it? Us meeting after all these years.”

Me, banging my head against my desk: Um, Kate, you purposely went to Hutch’s precinct to ask for his help. That’s neither a serendipitous “meeting” nor is it “weird.” The only thing weird around here is this ep’s dialog.

Also, something is seriously wrong with the editing in that scene, during the part where Hutch compliments her on her house and plants. Frankly, the entire scene makes me want to hurl, with Hutch and Kate making goo goo eyes at each other, but het scenes have a tendency to do that. After they toast (Kate with burgundy in a wine glass, and Hutch, classy as ever, with a can of beer, LOL), he looks at her lovingly wishing she was Starsky and Kate says, “What?” and Hutch wipes his mustache (mmm) and responds, “Nothing.”

You know, I don’t understand how this script didn’t win the Nobel prize for literature, seriously.

Then Hutch walks over to the sofa and says, “Oh, this is really a beautiful place, Kate,” (it’s frigging ugly), looks around and adds, “the plants,” (which I find endlessly adorable) then he sits on the sofa and says, “You always did have good taste.”

Then there’s a weird edit and we suddenly get a jarring closeup of Kate saying, “No, what were you thinking?” (in what might be the worst acting ever, no offense to Maud Adams) and he answers, “It’s not really important anymore.” And she says, “Let me tell you something. With death over your left shoulder, everything is important.”

Huh? I don’t get it. If “everything” is important, then why did she put a hit out on herself?

So basically, this b*tch knows she’s dying and decides to give her entire life savings to pay for a hitman. Me, personally, I would have donated that money to charity so it could actually help people. She could have taken an overdose of pills for free, like a proper celebrity.

Hutch: “OK. It’s just something that I find very hard to understand. You had a year to live. I don’t know how you could even consider death before it comes. Life is all we’ve got, whatever the circumstances and that makes me realize that I really need to tell Starsky how much I love him before it’s too late.”

This is nicely consistent with what Hutch tells Starsky in the Plague, about living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment.

But then Kate starts whining about how she’s thought about it “thousands of times” and decided if she wasn’t going to look pretty, then she might as well just die right now. Wow, such introspection. Guess that’s why she works as a model and not as, say, something that requires more introspection than “How pretty do I look today?”

Then she starts crying and I’m like, ugh. Like I said, attention-seeking. Probably has borderline personality disorder or something. Notice how she never expresses any remorse at almost getting Hutch killed twice. I feel like she’s just as manipulative of his feelings as Kira is, especially when she says “Hold me!” and he’s like “Do I have to? You’re not Starsky in ACFS being all vulnerable, you know.”

Hutch to Kate: “Do you think people in hospitals using bedpans are any less beautiful than you and me?” Aww.

(So Hutch essentially confirms that she put a hit on herself not because she feared dying alone in a hospital, in pain and discomfort from whatever mysterious disease she’s supposed to have that makes women “not pretty,” but because she won’t be as beautiful as she is right now. Got it.)

Hutch to a comatose Starsky in Sweet Revenge: “I don’t care if you have to use a bedpan for the rest of your life, buddy. Just as long as there IS a rest of your life, I’ll be there to take care of you. I love you, Starsk [kisses Starsky’s forehead].

Okay, so I made that last part up. Sue me.

I do have to say though, that the scene of the guys with Dobey in the squad room, with the camera mounted on a crane looking down at them from a birds-eye view, is lovely, and not a viewpoint I remember ever seeing before. And then when Dobey says, “What are you doin’ here?” and Starsky leans close to him, puts his right hand on Dobey’s shoulder and says, “Came to say goodbye,” and then pats Dobey’s shoulder with his left hand, still leaning in close, and Dobey answers “goodbye” in between bites of whatever he’s eating, it’s so freaking adorable, I can’t even. I love all the scenes of the boys with their dad. And he didn’t even yell at them.

But what I find veeery interesting about this ep is the juxtaposition of Starsky & Hutch in the extremely lovely and romantic squad room scene at the beginning where Starsky has his arm lovingly draped over Hutch’s thigh — and the tag where Hutch’s arm is draped over what’s her name’s thigh. Obviously, the director was trying to make a subconscious connection there. What I mean is: you just don’t casually drape your arm over just anyone’s thigh — it’s an extremely intimate gesture. And we all know that Hutch was banging Kate, ergo…